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Culinary News of the Weird and Useful: Reality TV Edition

March 18, 2010

Gordon Ramsay Watch At the Pass’ favorite reality TV whipping boy Gordon Ramsay has been a busy boy.  In addition to FOX renewing Kitchen Nightmares for a third season, it appears Gordo owes $377,887.77 in back taxes for the failed Gordon Ramsay New York. That didn’t stop him from shelling out for a little cosmetic surgery.  At the urging of Simon Cowell he had laser surgery to even out his wrinkly chin.

If that’s not enough Ramsay news for you, vandals have hit his London home with some R rated graffiti, writing “Gordon is s**t!” and “Ramsay is a douche.”

Monsieur Anton says:  This makes me feel absolutely civilized in the way I make fun of Ramsay.  It is good to see however that Gordon is making himself more telegenic for the renewed Kitchen Nightmares and his other boob tube projects…and for the tax judge!

Chef Gusteau: At what point will Gordon be doing an episode of Kitchen Nightmares concerning one of his own restaurants?  A little self-deprecation might suit him well.

Who Wants a Reality Show The roster of food based reality shows is on the rise.  CBS has green lighted “Beat the Chefs,” where home cooks will take on professional chefs in a cooking competition.  The amateurs, along with a staff of friends and family will attempt to cook the same dish as the pros with a cash prize at stake.

Not to be outdone, NBC has a new show in the works.  America’s Next Great Restaurant, hosted by Bobby Flay challenges amateurs to come up with a restaurant concept that they feel is the next big thing.  They will be judged by a panel of investors and restaurant professionals who will invest their own money to make the American Dream come true.

Monsieur Anton:  Soon everyone will have their own reality show!  Seriously though, the Next Great Restaurant is intriguing.  I’ve got a feeling it is time for Gusteau and I to get our business plan together for a chain of At the Pass Cafes.

Chef Gusteau:  Chef pros against home cooks…beware of this one.  First of all, being a chef is NOT just about cooking great food.  It’s about organization, consistency, execution and leadership.  The typical home cook might be great at several dishes, but that doesn’t mean they can run a restaurant, guide a host of chefs towards completing a dinner service, etc.  This is an interesting concept for a show, where obviously the excitement will be watching the chefs lose to grandma’s apple pie or something.  Will I dare watch an episode?  I’d rather cook with my boys at home so they could beat Bobby Flay someday.

Now about Bobby Flay and the newest of his TV shows.  Doesn’t this show concept seem familiar to that inventor/investor show called “Swimming with the Sharks” or Shark Tank or something?  Guests would come in with an idea and a panel of “experts” would determine if they would invest in the idea or not.  By now people have to understand that even a great idea isn’t nearly enough.  Neither is a boat-load of money.  It’s about hard work and persistence, and a gluttony for punishment and pain.  Now make that a show…how much abuse can a guest take before giving up?

As far as a chain of At the Pass Cafes…has a great ring to it.  But how’s this for a bonus.  Each guest gets a heavy sauté pan and one swing at either Bobby Flay’s head or Rocco DiSpirito’s.  You knock them out, dessert is on us.  You wound them severely, I’ll throw in an appetizer.  You make them howl like Nancy Kerrigan, dinner is on me.  I can see the line outside the door now.

Rock On Rocco Reality show reject Rocco DiSpirito says he owes his career as a chef to 70’s rock gods KISS.  It seems Rocco was trying to build up his record collection, and chanced upon a career.

“As a child growing up in the Seventies, I was big time into Kiss. Their album ‘Love Gun’ came out when I was around 11 years old, and I had to have it. I asked my Mom for the money to buy it, and she said to me (in thick Italian accent) “You want the money? You got to get a job.” I didn’t even know I could get a job at that age.”

And the rest as they say is culinary history!

Monsieur Anton:  Me, I was into The Who, and I found smashing dishes was cheaper than smashing guitars.  And the rest as they say is definitely not culinary history.

Chef Gusteau:  What parent lets their 11-year-old get a job, let alone listen to Kiss and Love Gun?  I guess I am a bit old fashioned on that one…but I didn’t miss the mark on his getting a job…he’s still looking, right?  He could always land a job at At the Pass Café catching sauté pans (See Above).

British Food Celebrities Got Talent Piers Morgan of America’s Got Talent, and the second most irritating British judge on television behind Simon Cowell has written a list of “100 British Celebrities that Matter, “ and a few TV chefs made the cut.  The highest rated was Jamie Oliver (new reality show coming up next week) at 11.  Gordon Ramsay checked in at 54, Nigella Lawson at 64, Marco Pierre White at 69, and Delia Smith at 69.

Monsieur Anton:  Gordon Ramsay at 54?  Doesn’t Piers read At the Pass.  Gordon has to be much higher.  In related news, Anton has listed Piers Morgan at 102,423 on my list of celebrities that matter.

Chef Gusteau:  I assume Piers made it to the top 5 on his own list?  I guess the bigger question would be who really cares about British Celebrities?

Dude, You’re Getting a Dell Padma Lakshi of Top Chef has been out and about with her newborn baby daughter Krishna.  Lakshi has been quiet as to the identity of Krishna’s father, but the New York Post is reporting that the father is venture capitalist Adam Dell, brother of Dell Computers Michael Dell.  The website reports that Lakshi 39, and Dell 40 are working out visitation rights.

Monsieur Anton:  Any story that elicits a picture of Ms Lakshi is fine with me.  Seems like young Krishna has hit the jackpot with Padma’s genes for looks, and all the Dell Computer money.  Not bad.

Chef Gusteau:  I thought the Daddy would be Chef Colicchio or something.  Wouldn’t that be a scary looking baby?

Sleeping with Paula Deen Is there nothing that southern belle chef Paula Deen will not pimp? The Food Network star has teamed up with Serta to roll out a line of Paula Deen Mattresses.

“You can definitely tell that these mattresses have been inspired by my life in the South and my home in Savannah, Ga.,” said Deen. “The collection is all about feeling good, comfortable and getting a good night’s sleep in one’s home. And just like my food, I send you comfort and love from my home to yours.”

The mattresses will run from $799 to $1499.

Monsieur Anton:  OK, I’ll eat Paula’s food, but no offense Ms Deen, I really don’t want to even think about you while I’m in bed.  Now if Padma Lakshi came out with a mattress…

Chef Gusteau:  Mattresses? You’ve got to be kidding me? How about a line of moonshine…someone had to have had tons of it to think her ass selling mattresses was a good idea?

Friday March 19th …Poultry Day

Saturday March 20th…Bock Beer Day (Anton took the day off…hint hint)

Sunday March 21st…National Ravioli Day

Monday March 22nd…Coq Au Vin Day

Tuesday March 23rd…National Chip and Dip Day

Wednesday March 24th…National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day

Thursday March 25th…Waffle Day

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