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Culinary News of the Weird and Useful: February 4, 2010

February 4, 2010

By Monsieur Anton

Makin’ bacon Pork as an alternative to Viagra?  Argentinean president Christina Fernandez thinks so.  “I’ve just been told something I didn’t know; that eating pork improves your sex life … I’d say it’s a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra,” Fernandez told the pork producing council in Argentina.  She said her husband , former Argentinean president Nestor Kircher had recently ate some pork and, “things went very well that weekend, so it could well be true.”

Monsieur Anton says:  No wonder Michael Symon is so devoted to pork!  His eateries should be very busy on Valentine’s Day.  I can see it now. Dim the lights.  Light the candles.  Pour the wine.  Serve the pork roast.  I’m thinking a nice Pinot Noir for that pork.  Just don’t tell my rabbi.

Chef Gusteau:  Pork…no further comment needed.

No rotten tomatoes here Indian scientists have developed a tomato that stays fresh for up to a month longer than a naturally grown one.  The same method, manipulating two enzymes that ripen the fruit, can theoretically be used on other fruits like bananas and mangoes.

Monsieur Anton:  I can see the benefit of this. Many people go hungry because food goes bad before it gets to them.  That said, this kind of genetic modification may have ramifications that we may not learn about until much farther down the line.

Chef Gusteau: While I appreciate advancements in food technology, I find it hard to appreciate the need for a tomato that lasts a month before use.  What are you waiting for when you buy that tomato? Maybe on the off chance you make salsa in the next three weeks or so?  I like to buy my produce fresh, and for use within a day, maybe two, if I get too busy to cook with those items that same night.  I can see how grocery stores may like the idea of buying produce that has been genetically engineered to stay “fresh” for a month on shelves, but that doesn’t mean it’s best for everyone else.  While I am not a scientist in any right, I have to believe that the same enzymes that ripen fruit are also responsible in some way for things like taste and nutrition.

I hear the oysters are selling very well The Toronto Star Reports that local restaurant Mildred’s Temple Kitchen is having an interesting promotion for Valentine’s Day.  They are actually encouraging couples to have a romantic tryst in their unisex restrooms.  Their website says that its four modern bathrooms that light up outside when occupied should be one of the “101 places to have sex before you die.”  It goes on to say that diners should “check out Mildred’s Sexy bathrooms throughout the weekend of Big Love.  You get the picture.”  There will be a maid on hand for clean up between uses.  The Toronto Public Health Department is fine with it as long as nothing goes on in the kitchen.

Monsieur Anton:  Where do I begin?  I guess more disgusting things go on in the bathroom.  Pitty the poor server who has to track down their guests because their food is getting cold.

Chef Gusteau:  What is this?  A restaurant or a hotel/brothel available by the hour?  I certainly hope no one actually needs to use the restrooms that night as I am sure anyone entering together with a close friend will probably take their sweet time.  Why not just save the trouble and drape a sheet around each table so the guests don’t have to leave their food to squeeze in a quickie.  And my god, how can you feel anything but intense pity for that poor maid that has to clean up between “uses?”  Funny that Anton felt pity for the server and not the maid…he can be so focused on the front of the house sometimes!  To go one step even further and more disgusting (because I can do that sometimes), imagine if they have someone in the restrooms waiting for you.  Instead of giving you a towel or a spritz of cologne, they’ll be handing out condoms and sexual aids…sounds wonderful, right?

Dr Pepper at market price To commemorate the 125th anniversary of Dr Pepper the company not only rang the ceremonial bell at the New York Stock Exchange to begin the day’s trading, they seized the moment for a little guerilla marketing.  The company had old spokesperson David Naughton and a group of dancers recreate the old “I’m a Pepper” song and dance number on the floor of the exchange in a flash mob to the bemusement of many of the traders.  You can check out video of the event here.

Monsieur Anton:  Now I can’t get that damn song out of my head.  Mr. Naughton is not as sprightly as he was in the old days, wisely leaving the dancing to the younger folks.

Chef Gusteau:  I’m confused.  Doesn’t Dr Pepper taste like crap?  I thought it died the same death (or should have) as Fanta and Shasta.

Fluffy and Fido breathe a sigh of relief Under a new law going to Parliament in April it will be illegal to eat dog or cat meat in China.  The penalty for eating the forbidden meat would be $735 and up to 15 days in prison for the consumer and $7,325 for the business.  Dog meat has long been considered by some in China to bring warmth and is used in stews during the winter months.  Cat is less popular because of an old superstition that the feline will come back at night to retaliate.

Monsieur Anton:  Can’t say as I blame the ghost cat for haunting the diner.  As a lover of both cats and dogs, I applaud the new law, but let’s not be too harsh on the Chinese.  Their culture is much different from ours and they may consider some of our diet to be offensive.  That said, they better keep their chopsticks away from my pets.

Chef Gusteau: Not sure how bad the meat shortage must be to have to resort to, and even prefer, dog and cat meat.  I guess they must get tired of all that fresh seafood available year round.

The second week in February is national Pizza Bake Week

Thursday February 4th…National Homemade Soup Day

Friday February 5th…National Chocolate Fondue Day

Saturday February 6th…Nutella Day

Sunday February 7th…National Fettuccini Alfredo Day

Monday February 8th…Molasses Bar Day

Tuesday February 9th …Pizza Pie Day and National Bagels and Lox Day

Wednesday February 10th…Cream Cheese Brownie Day

And let us not forget February 11, Chef Gusteau’s Birthday!!!!  Send him a birthday wish, or preferably a bottle of Scotch…single malt, Speyside, etc.

“The disparity between a restaurant’s price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill.” ~ Bryan Miller

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Syd permalink
    February 4, 2010 5:57 pm

    i would like to know if anyone needs a date on valentines day? i heard of this swanky place somewhere around Toronto. . .

  2. February 21, 2010 9:58 am

    Thank you for the enlightening article. I will follow you via RSS.

  3. February 21, 2010 1:34 pm

    I stumbled onto your blog and read a few post. I like your style of writing.

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