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Culinary News of the Weird and Useful: January 21, 2010

January 21, 2010

By Monsieur Anton

British Invent New Vegetable A British Company has brought to the market the first new vegetable in ten years.  The “flower sprout” is a cross between the Brussel sprout and curly kale.  The curly kale, the first new veggie since tenderstem broccoli, tastes similar to sprouts, and best eaten steamed or stir fried.

Monsieur Anton:  Great!  Another veggie kids won’t eat.  I give Gusteau ten minutes to find a tempting preparation for the new fangled delicacy.

Chef Gusteau: Ok…how’s this…split that weird sprout thing in half, braised in duck fat and red currant reduction sauce?  Why…because it looks god-awful and only strong flavors like these could make it palatable. Nice idea here by the Brits, but in this case it looks like the sum of the parts is greater than the whole….brussel sprouts and kale don’t necessarily go well together like peanut butter and chocolate.

The Diet Buster: Food Labels Give Inaccurate Calorie Information Researchers at Tufts University tested both packaged and restaurant food for caloric accuracy.  The ten frozen meals purchased at the supermarket averaged 8% more calories than stated on the packaging, and food from 29 tested restaurants averaged 18% more than stated.

Monsieur Anton:  Mon deux! No wonder my diet’s not working!  Actually, the restaurant figures do not surprise me in the least.  How can you expect to prepare food to order and have accurate nutritional information?  It’s just not practical.  Pre-package food however?

Chef Gusteau: You eat frozen meals from the supermarket regularly, you shouldn’t expect wonderful results.  It takes just as long to steam some vegetables as it does to microwave one of these frozen food popsicles.  As far as restaurant food, portion sizes are not 100% consistent, and thus require varying amounts of butter and such to cook them.  Plus, you shouldn’t be going out to restaurants to lose weight.  Restaurants are a wonderful treat and indulgence for all, not meant as a source for daily nourishment.

The Naked Chef Weeps for America’s Fattest City Britain’s “Naked Chef” Jamie Oliver shed crocodile tears when he was informed that residents of America’s fattest city, Huntington, West Virginia, let it be known that they were not interested in him helping them to become healthy eaters.

More than half of Huntington’s residents are statistically obese, but still did not want help from Oliver and his new show Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution. Most of the city’s populace refused to take part in the filming of the show, or listen to Oliver, bringing him to tears.

Monsieur Anton:  Who would have guessed that Huntington, West Virginia was the country’s fattest city, or that they wouldn’t listen to a British pretty boy chef?  Jamie, they don’t want your help.  They’re too busy reading the calorie information on the food they are buying.

Chef Gusteau: Would someone please kick Oliver’s ass already? When he starts walking around jacked up and cut like Daniel Craig then maybe talk about weight programs…until then, have a bowl full of flower sprouts and leave us alone.

Cleveland Food Cart Applications Due February 22nd The city of Cleveland is going to allow mobile food carts in downtown and around Cleveland State and Case Western Reserve University.  The deadline for initial applications will be February 22nd.

Monsieur Anton:  Sweet!  Cleveland is going to have street food just like a real city.  I just hope that the carts are well monitored and reflect a diversity of culinary ethnicity and quality.  Hot dog carts are fine and well, but think of the options that downtown workers and students can have if this program is done right.

Chef Gusteau: Sounds like fun! Also could be very scary…ever walk around Payne/Superior and 30th?  No cart food for me please.  But, when monitored like Chicago, New York or Boston Commons, street food can be wonderful!  I can see Anton pushing a cart around yelling for customers…beware!

Mattel Comes Out With “Foodie” Barbie It seems that the cultural icon Barbie doll has shed her glamorous Malibu image, not to mention Ken, for the kitchen.  The new Barbie comes with a fully stocked kitchen and cameras for the full Food Network experience.

Monsieur Anton:  Too bad Sandra Lee doesn’t cook in that mini-skirt!  Is this what our culture has come to?  I love a woman who can cook as well as the next guy, but Barbie should not be in the kitchen any more than James Bond should be driving a minivan.  I want my genitalia free sex symbol dolls schooling around in their sports car and keeping Ken sexually frustrated just like the good old days.

Chef Gusteau:  Wow Anton…that was quite a detailed report.  I won’t even ask if you still have your Barbie Malibu play set.  In any case, I can’t imagine Barbie cooking for anyone…drugged up Barbie yes, exotic dancer Barbie yes, but domestic Barbie…don’t think so.

A Tamale in Every Pot Jamie O. Perez, challenging Republican incumbent Silvestre Reyes in the El Passo, Texas congressional primary, has an unusual way of funding his campaign.  He’s selling tamales made by his sister to raise money for his campaign.  The red pork, vegetable and green chile tamales sell for $11.99 a dozen and are made by his sister.  Perez thinks he could sell enough of them to fund the campaign, saying 10,000 tamales could buy the yard signs, leaflets and lapel stickers he needs.

Monsieur Anton:  Now this is campaign reform I can get behind.  I’ll be looking for Dennis Kucinich to raise money for his next race by selling perogies.

Chef Gusteau: What they aren’t saying is that the tamales taste like crap, but his sister wears a bikini while selling them, and each dozen comes with a shot of tequila.  One case of food poisoning and more than his campaign will be at risk.

JLo the Comedienne While on The George Lopez Show Jennifer Lopez cracked on the one year anniversary of Sully Sullenberger’s heroic Hudson River landing that they named a new cocktail for him.  The drink is a Manhattan with a splash.

Monsieur Anton:  Leave the jokes to the professional comics and food bloggers JLo.

Chef Gusteau: Speechless.  The only cracks she has been making successfully have been with her low-cut jeans and thong…and no one’s clamoring for that either.

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. January 25, 2010 4:56 pm

    Do you plan to keep this site updated? I sure hope so… its great!

    • January 25, 2010 5:56 pm

      That is certainly the plan. Thanks for reading our little blog. We hope you enjoy it.

      Monsieur

  2. February 3, 2010 3:28 am

    Very useful for me, thanks so much

    • February 3, 2010 10:57 pm

      Our pleasure Leticia! Anton is making this a regular piece, so check beck often! Glad to have you join us. Chef Gusteau.

  3. February 3, 2010 12:13 pm

    I usually dont post in Blogs but your blog forced me to, amazing work.. beautiful

    • February 3, 2010 10:56 pm

      Barry! Thanks for the comments and for tuning in. Keep checking back as Anton and I will continue to add more content on a regular basis. Best Regards, Chef Gusteau.

  4. February 6, 2010 11:22 pm

    Hi, I applaud your blog for informing people, very interesting article, keep up it coming 🙂

  5. February 9, 2010 6:08 pm

    I wish getting over a broken heart can be so easy as following a few steps.. but its not

  6. February 24, 2010 12:13 pm

    Great write up.. keep on posting these great blog posts! I will be subscribing to your rss 🙂

    • February 25, 2010 8:24 pm

      Thanks…we’ll keep cranking it out…the culinary world is a crazy, yet entertaining, one. Chef Gusteau

  7. March 6, 2010 1:22 am

    I came across your website 3 or 4 times, and I have got to say that I like it. Bookmarked it now, keep up the good work.

  8. May 24, 2012 4:49 am

    I have got 1 recommendation for your web page. It seems like there are a number of cascading stylesheet problems while launching a number of webpages within google chrome and internet explorer. It is running fine in internet explorer. Probably you can double check that.

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