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What if Cleveland Celebrities Opened Restaurants?

December 15, 2009

By Monsieur Anton

Rolling Stone Magazine has announced that they intend to open a theme restaurant in Hollywood next summer.  This follows celebrity driven endeavors like Planet Hollywood.  I began to wonder what kind of restaurants Cleveland celebrities past or present would open if they were so inclined.  So with tongue planted fully in cheek, here are a few thoughts.

The Jim Tressel All American Grill   A meat and potatoes kind of place, it plays it safe with a conservative approach to dining.   Not much culinary innovation, but well executed cooking with perfect service by disciplined, sweater vest wearing servers.

The LeBron James Slam Dunk Sports Bar   A favorite of the New York City food critics, this upscale sports bar is flashy and never fails to score.  Service is outstanding with no look delivery of food to your table.   The staff has been known to dance in the aisles after successful delivery of entrees.  Enjoy it now as some big name franchises have been looking to buy up this eatery.

Drew Carey Diner   A no frills Cleveland classic serving down home comfort food like perogis, roast beef and mashed potatoes.  Open late, this spot has become a favorite destination for strippers at the end of the night.  Complimentary horned rimmed glasses are provided for easier viewing of the menu.

Raspberry Fields Forever Patisserie   Owned by Eric Carmen, this longtime dessert shop has been living off its past successes.  Perhaps this place is held back by the fact that all baked goods in some way contain raspberries.  While that approach worked years ago, it has left the owner All by Himself.

The Investigator Inn Owned by Cleveland investigative reporter Carl Monday, the food isn’t all that great, and the service is lacking.  Its success is rumored to be attributed to the mysterious exposes of all nearby competitors.

The Only in America Café   Cleveland native Don King brings us this success story.  Once the site of gangsters and numbers runners, The Only in America Café is now embraced in the community.  Check out the prix fix menu dubbed the “Pay per View.”  It can be a wonderful, or can be cut short when Chef Mike Tyson tries to serve you up a plate of the house specialty Holyfield Ears.

The Bob Hope Classic Serving up equal parts of cheese and ham, this endearing Cleveland classic endures.

The Chef Boyardi Bistro In honor of the great Cleveland culinary innovator, Hector Boiardi (Chef Boyardi) everything is served from a can.  If it can’t be micro waved, it won’t be served here.

The Jimmy Dimora Steakhouse The spot for power lunches on the North Coast.  Owner Dimora holds court in his corner booth.  Dimly lit, so FBI surveillance cameras cannot ID its patrons, this eatery is said to have evaded the health department with numerous kick backs.

The Academy Award Lounge A stunning looking establishment opened by Halle Berry, the Academy Award Lounge has won the industry’s highest honors but continues to be judged on its dazzling appearance.

So, have you been to any Cleveland celebrity dining spots?  Let us know about it.

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